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these details matter.

April 17, 2011

today i saw a
tall skinny gray haired man
in a business suit
riding a skateboard
along the side of the road
in 80 degree blazing sun

and i loved it.
only i was concerned he might be sweaty.

but if he had been carrying a baby,
i would’ve hated all of it.

those details matter.

something.

April 11, 2011

if i go too long without saying anything
i start to feel all weird about starting up again.

i think about it all the time, and i want to-
but i can’t write because
i’m waiting for something
that would hit hard.
a great big comeback post.

well, i don’t have one of those.
but i thought it best to just say
something.

and hope that then we’d be back on.

some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice.

February 23, 2011

that’s robert frost.

i have said this before:
when you are a person who gets headaches, or at least really bad ones,
every single person grown up you talk to offers a cure.
something they have either read somewhere,
knew someone who it worked for 6 degrees removed,
or just something that makes sense to their logic.

and if you are a person who gets headaches, really bad ones,
you probably try all the suggested cures because
well, your head feels like it wants to explode and you’d rather it didn’t.
but you never really expect anything to work.

meanwhile, you want to trust your doctors,
but they keep throwing wildly powerful chemicals at you,
even when you say you’re tired of chemicals,
and that you would like to find a sustainable, affordable natural solution.

then one day, someone tells you
that they read on the internet that melting an ice cube
on your tongue, pressed to the roof of you mouth
will take a headache away, because your brain reacts to
thinking it’s freezing.

you say, sure you’ll try it, but you don’t actually think it will work.

then at 4am, when you’ve got that old feeling,
after trying the chemicals and the caffeine,
with no change since 6pm,
you are desperate for distraction.

two ice cubes later your headache is gone
and you are so euphoric and terrified
the world might as well be ending.

on publicizing to do lists- not recommended for perfectionists.

February 17, 2011

i don’t know if you’ve noticed but – it’s been a week.

on the tenth i managed to complete every item on the need to side.
not surprising i suppose, as i am the one who qualified them as
need to in the first place, clearly i felt they were important.

lucky for me, i also did them in order,
because at the time i had no idea that
around 2pm two things would happen

first: the water in the house would break.
i do not fully understand the exact details of this event,
you need only know what i did – there was no water in our house
& would be none, until the men would fix it late that evening.

& second: elsie would write her own to-do list
containing one bullet in big black letters –
THROW FREAKY FUSSFEST

at that moment, my list was overridden. almost entirely.
i did get in one want to
we went for a much necessary, very long walk.
despite this usual cure-all calming activity,
her to-do persisted.

hither thither, she is fine now.
over the course of the last week i have gradually checked things off.
i wrote the dates beside them so you can see.

the publicity of the list had a dangerously powerful effect on me,
in that it made me do things i didn’t even want to anymore.
for example, i totally decided i didn’t want painted nails
yet it kept firing in my brain that i had said i wanted to, so i better, so i did.

that was risky business.
i didn’t think it all the way through-
and so found myself sitting with half-painted nails
realizing that if elsie woke up we’d be in a hot pink mess.

i really did want to cut my hair though,
and probably wouldn’t have found the motivation to without this list,
so thank you for that, invisible internet peer pressurizer.

knitting – here i come!

this day.

February 10, 2011

let’s just see what’s checked off at the end of the day.

some of these things will absolutely get done
cut elsie’s nails – could easily be followed by
“or else she’ll scratch her face from cowlick to chinny chin.
launder clothing – or swaddle her in
one of daddy’s t-shirts for bed tonight.

little hope is held out for
get a haircut – which has been on the list since
about a week after elsie was born.
learn to knit – which has been there since
all the cool kids started doing it in college.

a few of the want to items might actually be higher priorities,
in twenty years will elsie ask me
if the floor was clean on 2.10.11? if she had a bath that day?
wouldn’t she rather laugh at a video of her baby self with her best friends?

take that logic tooooo far though
and in twenty years…

we’re all dead because dirty bathroom
& ghecko poo covered floor gave us the dysentary.
elsie never got to have a best friend because she never got a bath.

see what i’m saying?
this is big. this is decision making 02.10.2011.

a word with mr. sky-

February 4, 2011

thanks for all the sunsets.

a word with mr. winter, please.

February 4, 2011

dear sir-

it is entirely unseemly of you to show up in mazatlan,
a city people journey to avoid you.
temps below40 are completely intolerable to the local
wardrobe, house construction, fundamental being-
not to mention the scores of tourists armed with only
bathing suits and cameras.
please leave.

regrettably yours.