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belly wars: episode III

May 25, 2010

the high-schooler and her droid
ordered some oreo frappes
and i was making them.

then she said: are you pregnant?
me: yeop! (smiles, friendliness)
she: how far along?
me: about 4 months.
she: your belly looks more like six.
me: really? (frozen uncomfortable smile.)
she: (incredulous) and this is your first kid?
me: yeah.

then i, hand them frappes,
maintain frozen smile, walk away briskly, try to look busy.
because, i don’t have anything nice to say.
as they walk away i give
deadly laser eye daggers to her back.

i spend the rest of the afternoon
seeking reassurance from friends that i
look the appropriate amount preggernaut.
and occasionally, accidentally, giving
deadly laser eye daggers to innocent passersby.

brief synopsis of episodes I & II:
(which went straight to mental dvd archives.)

I: stranger in market handles belly and coos!
II: fringe acquaintance keeps hand on belly entire time she talks to me!

so far i have not fought back,
but the force is gaining strength in me.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Jenna Hege permalink
    May 25, 2010 13:46


    I hope it’s not rude to chuckle at your post. Because I kind of did…

    I’m sure you’re an adorable and proportionately-sized 4-month pregnant lady.

    I’m looking forward to your summer visit:)


  2. May 25, 2010 18:50

    so funny!
    I had a first grade student that held his hand on my belly for the ENTIRE period once, as we sat on the carpet, reading Spanish stories aloud, and singing Spanish songs. Very funny.

    I also have a friend that actually reached out and grabbed the boob of a stranger that came over and pet her belly. My friend’s quote, “If you touch my personal space, I’ll touch yours.” hehe

    oh the stories!

  3. Beth permalink
    May 26, 2010 10:30

    As soon as someone touches you, reach over and grab their belly fat.

  4. Beth permalink
    May 26, 2010 10:31

    oh and I am sure you are adorable!

  5. Beth permalink
    May 26, 2010 10:35

    ok last comment….my own mother kept telling me how huge i was. thanks mom.

  6. michelle permalink
    May 28, 2010 10:47

    most of the time
    teenagers (me still being one)
    don’t know what
    we are talking about.


    we hardly know our left from right.
    no experience in life just yet.

    no worries.

    im sure your belly is proportionate and
    you look absolutely glowing and beautiful .

  7. marmy permalink
    June 1, 2010 10:10

    The thing is, pregnant bellies are adorable, (when they are not yours) esp. after having babies. It is soooo hard not to touch them, i try to restrain myself, but, man its hard. Seeing Carla every week and having to keep my hands off that baby, not easy. so, get ready i’m planning to induldge when you get here.

  8. marmy permalink
    June 1, 2010 10:21

    with your permission, of course.

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